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Saturday, September 13, 2014

The first time with no-so first.

So yeah, this is my first time to leave my hometown and my country to study aboard in a totally different culture and living style comparing to my country.
First time for me to go alone, exploring the world all by myself, experienced boarding alone with bunches of strangers, but fortunately I able to greet some new friends.

I will never forget the moment when I dragged my huge luggage, and with my extremely heavy backpack on my back with sorrow, unwilling to say goodbye but you have to go. Or else I won't able to move on. I could actually watched the happiness and sadness in their eyes. Apparently it consists of how grateful and pleased with their younger daughter finally have grew up, after sending off my brother and sisters, and lastly, it was finally my turn. I can see the way they look at me, without saying anything they were just smiling.
I knew they love me, perhaps they were the only who care me so much, lectured me just for my own good. Why didn't i appreciate all the time we used to spent together, I'm guilty now. I have promised myself I have to be more independent, it's so painful to cry alone in a cold and unfamiliar place by yourself even with rolling yourself like a ball in your blanket, but I could still feel uncomfortable and unsafe approaching with silence prepared so well to attack you after letting your guard down all because you love and miss your family so much. But you just can't tell, cos' you don't want them to worry with you. I always told myself to be more stronger person to stand on more challenging on the future. Why I can't just be a better person? This is not my first time leaving home but why am I being like this again. My mind keeps running through the day when I left, all the scene flashing back like old-styled film.
I turned back trying to be more excited, in order to makes them feel better. Just because I don't want them to worry on me. I had tried so hard to hold my tears avoiding them to fall, but how come I failed every single time?

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